I honestly think that I was born this way, as I have felt anxious every day that I can remember, for absolutely no reason.
The truest thing that I ever heard about myself was that I make others feel so comfortable in my energy, but in that same energy, I destroy myself.
A lot of other anxiety sufferers say that they were born this way too. Maybe it is just how we are wired? Are we more sensitive?
After surviving depression, suicidal thoughts, an abusive relationship and a brain tumour, anxiety disorder was the thing that floored me. Anxiety is such a difficult thing to realise that you have, as it comes from nowhere and completely destroys everything in its path. It makes you feel so weak, feels like a physical illness & makes you feel different – like it can take everything from you at any second. And the worst part is, you feel like no-one understands.
Looking back, anxiety was just always inexplicably there. Haunting me and trying to hold me back. Being anxious for so long, I guess it was inevitable that it would turn into anxiety disorder. And it did.
My anxiety disorder makes me feel exhausted, angry, weak, shaky, claustrophobic, sweaty and everything in between and leads to panic attacks that make me feel like I am dying. I only realised what was happening when I ended up in hospital. I have heard from so many people suffering with anxiety and panic disorders that this was their experience too.
Through all my anxiety, I always felt stronger, maybe more normal for lack of a better word, when I learned more information about anxiety. The more I learned, the more I realised how many things in my day-to-day life were symptoms of anxiety. I learned to recognise that it was a panic attack or a symptom, that there was a reason. This gave me some of my power back.
But the anxiety wasn’t going away. And I didn’t want to wait for that time in the future anymore where everything would be fine. Better. When I would be better. So, I decided to change my perspective.
Instead of waiting for my anxiety to be better, to feel stronger, I would look at my anxiety as my strength. As my superpower.
So I created @powerofanxiety as my love letter to anxiety. My way of sharing my experiences and to always push myself to research and find out more about this thing called anxiety. To hopefully use my experience to help others and create a place where we all feel better.